Why?
by goldenspringtime
Summary: His skin was slick with a red substance that wasn't supposed to be one the outside of his skin but on the inside. Sad Sterek. Other warnings inside.
1. Chapter 1

Summary: His skin was slick with a red substance that wasn't supposed to be one the outside of his skin but on the inside. Warnings inside.

Warnings: Very sad Sterek. Death fic. Very disturbing themes.

His skin was slick with a red substance that wasn't supposed to be one the outside of his skin but on the inside. Derek however just gripped his hand the best he could, even as his hand slipped this way and that every few seconds. It was only because he was wearing jeans that he wasn't slipping around in the tub as well.

"I'm sorry." a voice said in barely a whisper. Derek ran his had through his short hair. Stiles head was in his lap, his blood filling Derek's jeans. The coppery scent filled the entire bathroom. Stiles's eyes were barely open, but were staring at him, with so much pain so much heartbreak.

"Sh...don't talk...they'll be here soon." by they he meant the ambulance, he had called them minutes ago, which seemed like ages ago when he had first walked into the bathroom and found Stiles naked covered in blood that was streaming from his wrists. Stiles grip on his hand was getting weaker and Derek reflexively tightened his, like it would stop Stiles from fading away.

He could hear the siren now, but he also could hear that it was still several miles away. Tears started to fall down his face as he began to fear that they wouldn't get here in time, that he might have to watch Stiles the love of his life die. He didn't even know why? He thought they were doing great. The beginning of their relationship had taken everyone including themselves by surprise, but they had both fell into the relationship very quickly. He thought things were going great. How could he have not seen what was going on with Stiles? Stiles breathing started to get more short. Derek shook his head.

"No. No. Stiles you can't do this to me." Stiles mouth made a

"S." sound but he wasn't able to say anymore since breathing became more important for his body then talking and even that he wasn't doing too good on. The ambulance was still miles away when Stiles stopped breathing. Derek moved out from underneath him and started on CPR, hoping to at least keep him breathing until the paramedics came. He compressed his chest, in his fervor to save Stiles life he used a little more force then necessary and broke one of his ribs. Which made him stop for a moment, before he remembered sometimes that happened even with normal humans and he started back up again.

He kept doing CPR until the ambulance came to the house and he heard unfamiliar footsteps on the stairs. He kept going until the EMT's took over, and started throwing medical jargon around that he didn't understand. All he could hear was the fact that Stiles's heart wasn't beating. The EMT's seemed to quickly catch onto this fact, he could hear the paddles being charged and watched as Stiles body convulsed. No heart beat, he knew even before he heard one of EMT's said it aloud. They charged the paddles again and hit him with them. Derek listened closely for a heartbeat, only for it to not show up.

Derek found himself backing up against the nearest wall and falling down aginst it, not for a moment taking his eyes off Stiles. Another charge, same result, it was slowly started to fill his mind that everything he had done might not be enough to save him. He watched the EMT's as they turned off the machine and started putting everything away. No, some part of his mind refused, no, Stiles couldn't be dead. One of the EMT's left the room and the other came up to him. He seemed like a nice enough guy but Derek already hated him, because he knew what the guy was going to tell him.

"I'm sorry for your loss." he said sympathetically then turned and left. Derek looked to Stiles, who was still covered in blood, tears falling from his eyes in streams. He didn't understand, that was the worst part of it. He didn't understand, he moved along the ground using his arms and legs until he made his way over to Stiles. He put his hand over Stiles mouth hoping to feel warm air coming from it, even though he could hear that Stiles wasn't breathing. He moved his hand up to Stiles short hair and run his hand through it a few times as more tears streamed from his eyes. He sobbed several times before asking.

"Why? I don't understand Stiles why did you do this?" Stiles said nothing.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Wolf or Supernatural.

A/N: So apparently I've decided to continue this story and I'm putting supernatural aspects in the Teen Wolf world.

Before

He was hungry, hungry all the time, it had started so suddenly. Just two days ago he had just been overcome with all this hunger. Not just any hunger either, it wasn't sated by bread, fruit or vegetables, it was only sated by meat. He had started eating lots of meat, not just any meat, red meat, it only took him two days to eat all of his Dad's red meat. He was eating the last pork chop in the house when his Dad came in the door and looked down at the many pots and pans on the stove, in addition to the many open containers of meats. He had expected annoyance or anger since he had eaten probably between 50-75$ worth of meat. Instead the look on his fathers face was fear, he didn't know why

"Look I'm sorry Dad." he began "I don't know why, but lately I've been so hungry." His Dad just looked at the empty meat containers with fear.

"I promise I won't eat anything more." that felt like a lie, in fact he was still hungry even after having eat 7 pounds of meat that day, which he never would have thought possible before.

"Dad, why do you looked freaked out?" he asked as his father continued to stare at him in that freaked out fashion.

"It's just...your mother." Stiles blinked, his Dad didn't like to bring up his mother much and they didn't really talk about her. Ever since his mother had killed herself years ago. Stiles had no proof but he felt like his mother hadn't been able to handle him, and that was why she choose to kill herself. He had only been 6 when his mom killed herself, and while he remember her well, he couldn't really remember exactly what happened in the weeks leading up to her death very well.

"What about Mom?"

"She...she started acting strange in the weeks before her death." Stiles eyebrows creased.

"Strange how?" he asked.

"She started eating a lot of meat before her death." Stiles shook his head, yeah it was a little strange but it wasn't all that strange.

"Maybe she needed some iron, maybe I just need iron." Stiles said, he hoped that was the case or he was going to end up gaining a lot of weight very quickly. 14 pounds of meat in two days was probably not so good for him.

"Yeah that's what I thought." until was unsaid, well it had been until Stiles said it.

"Until?" His father shook his head, not like he didn't know but wasn't how to say what he wanted to tell him.

"She started eating raw meat, so I told her to go to a doctor."

"What did the doctor say?"

"The doctor couldn't find anything wrong with her or any reason why she would be craving raw meat. They thought at first she might be pregnant, since sometimes weird cravings can come with pregnancy but she wasn't. Her iron levels were normal as well. "

"What happened?"

"She left, she just left, she left for two weeks without saying anything to anybody and then came back...We had one day, one perfect day, when she came back we took you to Disneyland, and after- we... we were happy... I thought the whole thing was over, but the next morning-"

"Dad what happened to mom?" Stiles asked the question he had asked only a few times over the years, but had never really an answer to.

"She took a bunch of old sleeping pills that were from back was she had a bout of insomnia. She feel into a comma and like you know, she died at the hospital a few weeks later." His dad blinked and shook his head with a small smile on his face.

"Which probably has nothing to do with you, you're a growing teenage boy and growing teenage boys are often hungry for meat." he said and Stiles felt like his Dad was feeling foolish.

"Yeah." he agreed, although he wasn't sure he agreed. His Dad shook his head like he was clearing it of those thoughts.

"I think that today been so long it's making me so tired, it's messing with my head." he said then made his way up the stairs Stiles looked at his father as he walked away.

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	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Wolf or Supernatural.

Additional Warnings: Disturbing themes (don't say I didn't warn you)

The next morning instead of the hunger feeling going away it only got worse, only this time he tried to fight it. He made it about 2 hours before he tore the freezer and fridge apart looking for anything he may have possibly missed in the last two days. He came up with one hamburger patty in the back of the fridge. He took a pan out and was about to turn on the stove when he started staring at the red meat patty. He didn't want to cook it, he wanted it just the way it was. He didn't even realize he had eaten the entire hamburger patty raw until it was gone.

How in the world had he just eaten a whole hamburger patty raw? He should feel disgusted but he didn't in fact his stomach was feeling a bit better now. That was not right, this couldn't be real? Maybe he should see a doctor? Except what he really wanted was more raw meat. There was none in his house but he had another place to go one that was usually stocked with a lot of red meat.

~.~

In what seemed like no time he was there. Usually when he was there he was hungry for something different then raw meat. He walked right in using his key that he had gotten from Derek a few weeks ago. He looked around and found that neither Issac or Derek seemed to be home. He opened their fridge and moved around everything until he came upon a defrosting pack of steaks. No, he told himself, this wasn't right, there was something very wrong with him. He needed to see a doctor, not eat a whole pack of raw steaks that was likely to give him food poisoning that was if the raw hamburger he just ate hadn't given it to him already. He was so hungry, so very hungry. No! He put the steaks back into the fridge. He had to go somewhere to do something to get his mind off his hunger. Stiles started for the door with every intent to leave until Derek came through the door. Derek looked at him surprised.

"Stiles aren't you supposed to be at school?" Was he? Yeah he was, today was a Monday which had completely slipped his mind, as it had been overwrought with hunger.

"What?" he asked distracted as the hunger was immense.

"Stiles are you okay?" Derek asked concerned, he closed the distance between them in seconds. Stiles met his eyes for a moment then jerked in horror as he realized that he still wanted raw meat even if were to come from a person. No, no, that was not normal that wasn't human, he shook his head. He back away several steps from Derek.

"I feel sick." he said it wasn't really a lie since he was feeling sick. He had to be sick, there had to be something very wrong with him like a curse or a spell. That had to be it. Derek closed the distance between them again his face became even more concerned.

"Maybe you should lay down your looking a little pale." Derek tried to touch his face but Stiles dodged and felt a small pang go through him at Derek's hurt loo,.

"I should probably go home." Stiles said shaking his head, even though he had no intention of going there.

"Do you need me to help you, or bring you soup or something." despite everything else Stiles smiled, Derek sometimes wasn't exactly very good at expressing his emotions, so whenever he did manage to express them in the right way it made his feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

"No I'll be fine." he said, he hoped it wasn't a lie. Derek came towards him and Stiles worried that he was going to kiss him so he stepped back.

"Sick remember." where as in reality he was hungry, so hungry. He was worried that he might take a bite out of the love of his life. He had to get out of there before something bad happened.

"I'll see you later okay?" he said and skirted past Derek and made his way to his car where he sat in his car for a long moment before deciding that he needed to see Deaton. Stiles put his vehicle into drive, he hoped that Deaton would know what to do.

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	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Wolf.

What he didn't count on was all the animals, while he had never been the animal lover that Scott was, he had a healthy respect and admiration of them. Only now all he saw were things he could eat, he ran out of the clinic twice as fast as he had run in. When he got into the cool but heating up morning air he leaned over putting his hands on his knees. He was having a panic attack, of course who wouldn't after finding out they wanted a nice slice of raw dog or cat, after finding out they wanted a slice of his boyfriend. This wasn't right. He heard something open the door and he tensed only to see Deaton who was staring at him full of concern. He knew that he had to beat back this panic attack so he focused on his breathing until he was breathing normally again. He straightened up and looked at Deaton who was still looking at him concerned.

"Are you okay Stiles?" Stiles shook his head, he was so far from okay that it wasn't even funny. However what came out of his mouth was.

"I'm hungry." Deaton looked at him puzzled.

"Do you need money?" Stiles shook his head realizing that Deaton, wasn't getting it, but that was probably due to the fact that he wasn't exactly explaining it well.

"I'm hungry all the time." Deaton frown only deepened and Stiles realized where Deaton's mind was going.

"No, no, no I don't mean my Dad is starving me I...I ate 7 pounds of meat yesterday and I was still hungry." Deaton still looked confused.

"I'm _hungry_." he said putting emphasis on hungry.

"Stiles." Deaton said obviously still not getting it.

"I wanted to eat the cats and dogs in your clinic and I didn't care if they were cooked." Deaton face went stoic.

"Do...do you know what wrong with me? Did a witch put a curse on me or something? Are there even witches?" Stiles asked.

"There are witches." Stiles shoulders sagged in relief, so they just had to some sort of counter spell and then he would go back to being a normal teenager. Well at least as normal as one could be who routinely hung around werewolves. "But that's not the only option." Stiles heart beat picked up again.

"What's the other option?" Deaton just looked at him.

"I'd rather not say until I know for sure." he said.

"How do we know for sure."

"Certain magics leave a trace on the victim." Deaton started towards him and Stiles backed up.

"How-how do we figure that out? Without getting too close, it's all flesh." Stiles admitted mortified, he couldn't believe that he wanted to eat Deaton.

"I'll be right back." Deaton said and walked away and Stiles watched him go anxiously. He wasn't going to go get a gun was he and shot him out of his misery because there was no hope for him? He shook his head, he had to think positively, it had to be a spell there had to be a cure. Stiles waited outside anxiously for at least ten minutes before Deaton came out with a keys in hand.

"We have to go somewhere other the clinic, how about my house?" Deaton was asking him to go to his place. If he wasn't so worried he'd make some sort of joke about that, instead he just nodded.

"I'll follow you there." He had to anyways since he brought his car, but it was a good thing because him and enclosed spaces with anyone else would probably be a very bad idea. Deaton nodded and made his way to his car at the time same time as Stiles made his way to his own jeep. Deaton pulled out and Stiles followed him, he hoped that where he was going was going to lead to a solution.

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	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Wolf or Supernatural.

Stiles stopped his jeep at the side of the house that Deaton pulled into. Stiles had never been to Deaton house before, because honestly there was no reason for him to have been there before. Deaton was Scott's boss not his, in fact he felt a little weirded out to be at Deaton house at all. However Deaton didn't give off the predator vibe, and Stiles was pretty sure that if Deaton did try to attack him (which was unlikely) Stiles could just eat Deaton.

Stiles lip curled in disgust at the thought. He got out of his jeep quickly, the quicker the spell was taken off of him the quicker he could go back to his version of a normal life. He made his way up the walk and Deaton unlocked his front door. Stiles stayed back a few feet just to be safe. Deaton let Stiles into his house, which was small but he guessed since Deaton lived alone he didn't exactly need a huge house. The interior was a nice calming blue color, it was really too bad that it wasn't having any effect. In fact it quickly became very uncomfortable to around Deaton even though there were several feet apart. He liked it better when they were a few car length apart. He absently took in Deaton's living room and kitchen. His couches were a light sea foam green and his kitchen appliances were all white.

"Deaton what were you planning to have for dinner?" Stiles asked. He hoped there was some raw meat preferable red meat, he really hoped to stop these craving or he would get salmonella or food poison and probably end up dying if he hadn't already.

"Tacos." Deaton said. It took Stiles a moment to process that.

"That means hamburger meat right?" Deaton nodded.

"I think it might be a good idea if I were to eat that before we start trying to figure out what going on with me."Stiles said, the idea intellectually made him wince but it made his stomach growl. Why couldn't his body get on the same page? The same let's not eat raw meat or have disturbing cravings page.

"Yes that is probably a wise decision." Deaton went into the kitchen, into his fridge and took out some meat. Stiles closed his eyes. It was so so wrong to want raw meat as bad as he did. Deaton put the meat on the counter and backed away ,which was a very wise choice. Stiles looked at Deaton, embarrassed, he didn't want to eat the raw hamburger but he definitely didn't want Deaton to see him eat it. However his stomach wouldn't let him resist much longer.

"Deaton do you think I could have a moment?" Deaton nodded and disappeared down a hallway. Stiles found himself over the raw hamburger as soon as Deaton left unable to deny his hunger anymore. He hoped this was the last time he ever had to do this.

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	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Wolf.

After he was finished with the unholy act, he let Deaton know it was okay to come back into the kitchen. Deaton came briefly into the kitchen before saying

"Follow me." and then going back into the hallway. Stiles followed him feeling a little more able to fight back the cravings now that he had eaten some...food. He made his way into what looked liked a spare bedroom or at least probably was most of the time, it was definitely stranger then that at the moment. There were symbols on the floor, Stiles saw the carpet rolled up and resting against the wall. He wasn't sure what most of the symbols on the floor were.

"Can you stay in control of yourself if I touch you?" Deaton asked and after a moment Stiles nodded. He reminded himself it was not okay to take a bite out of his best friends boss. It was not okay to take a bit out of his best friends boss. He let Deaton put his hand on his shoulder and guide him into a spot.

"Sit." Deaton told him. Stiles sat and looked all around at the symbols again. Deaton stepped into a symbols and into a certain place and sat as well.

"Don't speak" Deaton commanded him closing his eyes and seemed to concentrate, Stiles just stared down at the floor and hoped for good news. They sat there like that for nearly 30 minutes, by which time Stiles really wanted to talk to take his mind of the hunger, which had bounced back 10 minutes after eating, but also didn't want to break Deaton's concentration. He found himself staring at Deaton off and on, he managed to catch when Deaton finally opened his eyes. His expression was unreadable, which really made Stiles crazy because he wanted an answer like yesterday.

"Do you know what's going on with me? Is it a spell?" Stiles asked worried but hopeful. Deaton looked straight at him but still had an unreadable expression.

"You're a Rugaru." he said apologetically.

"Okay, what do I need to how do I- Wait you said I am a what, a what, not I have, what, what is a what? What does that mean?" at the look on Deaton face he dropped his jaw, Stiles shook his head "Please tell me it's not like being a werewolf." At Deatons face he knew it was worse.

"It's worse?" Deaton nodded.

"What does...what does that mean...exactly" Stiles asked reluctantly, he didn't really want to know, he wanted to remain in the dark, but he was pretty sure he didn't have that luxury.

"I'm sorry Stiles."Stiles shook his head nothing good ever stated with I'm sorry. His closed his eyes trying to gather strength then opened them to Deaton's very apologetic gaze.

"Tell me what that means?" he asked softly.

"Being a Rugaru is a genetic condition passed from parent to child." Stiles flashed back to his father who had told him about his mother having the same extreme meat cravings. Cravings that somehow ended in her mother killing herself. He didn't like where this was going, however Deaton didn't stop there "It's latent for awhile and the person is no different from any other human being until..." Deaton trailed off, he didn't want to know, yet he was pretty sure he had to know.

"Until what?"

"Until it's not, the person experiences an enormous amount of hunger for meat and in particular human meat." that sounded very much like what he had, but he had a feeling it was about to get worse.

"Until a Rugaru consumes human flesh they are still human, but once a Rugaru consumes one bite of human flesh they change into a monster. They're eyes go black and you can't confuse them at any time for anything other then being unhuman." Stiles had to swallow a few times before he was able to speak.

"And that's what I am?" Stiles asked and Deaton nodded, Stiles shook his head.

"No...I can't be. You're lying." Stiles said tears falling down his checks.

"I am so so sorry Stiles." Deaton said earnestly. Stiles didn't pay attention though and sunk his face into his knees, which he had pulled against his chest. He was a monster, a monster.

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	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Wolf.

He thought of something, even though he was pretty sure that if the answer was yes Deaton would have told him about it.

"Is there any way to stop being a Rugaru? Any cure?" Deaton slowly shook his head and Stiles felt a few more tears as they slid down his checks.

"How about the werewolf bite?" he asked hopefully, he had never wanted to be a werewolf but it was preferable to being a Rugaru, Deaton shook his head.

"Doesn't work on other supernatural creatures." Stiles brows creased in confusion.

"But you said I was still human."

"Still mostly human, however you're supernatural enough that the bite will not work."

"Is there anything I can do... anything to stop craving..." Stiles trailed off not being able to complete that thought." Deaton slowly shook his head "There are things but they would kill you slowly and painfully."

"What if I just don't eat...that kind of stuff?" Stiles asked awkwardly.

"Stiles it would be like if you hadn't eaten anything in a week and then were led in a buffet and tried not to eat anything." Stiles heart sunk.

"So it's impossible." Stiles said sadly, Deaton looked down.

"There are stories of Rugura's who managed to control their hunger, but there's no proof." Deaton said with a shake of his head. His heart lifted again.

"So it's possible?" he said hopefully.

"Honestly I don't know." Deaton said with a small shake of his head.

"But." Stiles said because Deaton left it unsaid. Deaton nodded.

"But there's no proof and a single bite will make it so that you never can be confused for human again. It's not like being a werewolf, you can't control your hunger the same way that werewolves can find an anchor...it's your choice though, maybe you can control it." Deaton didn't sound very confident though. Stiles closed his eyes then opened them.

"If it were you?" Stiles asked his lip trembled, Deaton stared at him for a long moment sadly.

"I...I wouldn't risk it." Stiles swallowed, he knew what Deaton was saying even though he didn't come right out ad say it. Even more tears crawled their way down his checks, he was surprised he still had more tears to cry, he hadn't cried like this since his mom death. Deaton was telling him that it was very risky. But possible, it was possible, he told himself, and possible was all he needed right?

Except that was when the hunger caught up with him again, it had only been 45 minutes since he had last eaten and he was hungry again. Actually he was pretty sure he'd been hungry for awhile, but had been able to forget temporarily about it due to the utter devastation. Could he really deal with a hunger like this 24/7? He was so hungry. No! He couldn't think about that! Deaton looked so tasty. No! Stiles got up off the floor and fled to the living room, he paced up and down the room a few times. No! No! This wasn't fair! He paced up and down again. He was so hungry! No! This couldn't be right! It had to be a spell! It had to be a spell! Deaton was lying! He had to be lying! Except that he wasn't... he was a Rugaru a freaking Rugaru! And he was hungry!

He went to one of the blue walls and slid down it. Add some more tears. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair. He had always tried to the right thing, even if he had to do some bad things in order to do the most good. He wasn't perfect, but he thought he was a mostly good person. Why couldn't he get the werewolf bite? Scott got to be a hero and he got to be hungry all the time. It just wasn't fair. He thought of his mom. Since his...condition was genetic and his mom had eaten lots of meat too, it was likely that he had inherited his condition from his mother. His mother had killed herself, she must have found out what she was in the two weeks she had been gone. His mother had made the decision to stay human and to not hurt anyone. She had loved him and his father, but had made the decision to do that. She had chosen others over herself.

What if he hurt someone? Would he ever be able to forgive himself? What if his eyes went black and he couldn't even look human some of the time? Could he really be around Scott or Derek or his Dad the way he was suppose to without hurting any of them? Could he play video games with Scott? Could he kiss Derek? Could he be_ with_ Derek? Could watch over his Dad when he was the thing that needed to be watched? Was he safe to be around? Was it selfish for him to want to be around when at any moment he could crumble under pressure and hurt someone he loved? Was it selfish to not want to die? He was only 17 years old. He had only ever been with one person, although he admitted that for only having been with one person he was glad that person was Derek.

Wait? What was he thinking about? Was he really considering it? Dying? There was no cure...nothing he could do to stop himself from being what he was? But he could resist...except that he knew how strong the hunger was, has easily it would be to slip into it. Maybe one day he would do it without even thinking about it and kill somebody that he loved. There was nothing to stop him but his own willpower and what if one day that wasn't enough? Stiles shook his head, he didn't want to die but he couldn't hurt anyone. He wouldn't let himself become a monster, something he had fought against before, something that would kill innocent people. There was only one option, only one right choice, no matter how he wished there was some other way but Deaton had told him there wasn't. It was either death or hope that he was strong enough to contain the hunger, when he knew in his heart that he wasn't. He wasn't strong enough to contain it for long and he wasn't willing to hurt anyone else to try.

His decision was made, that didn't mean he had to like it though, Stiles let out a long string of curse words even while he cried. He cursed fate and just about everything else for putting him in this position. He cried for what could have been minutes, hours or days. He knew in his heart what he had to do, but having a hard time coming to grips with his decision.

Stiles eventually pushed himself up to stand and stared at the room. The blue was still not calming him, and he doubted he'd ever see it again. Stiles moved himself down the hallway again and to the spare room. The carpet was back down and it looked very normal Deaton was sitting on a folding chair and seemed to be waiting for him. Deaton didn't say anything just waited for Stiles to talk. Stiles knew what he had to do and knew what had to be done.

"You said there's things that will help me temporarily right?"Deaton nodded.

"Painful and deadly things." Stiles nodded, but wouldn't let that dissuade him.

"But it will give me one day, one last day with all the people I care about?" Deaton nodded. "Alright then hit me with it." Stiles said decisively.

"Are you sure?" Deaton asked. Stiles nodded, he wanted to die as he what he was, human.

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	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Wolf.

Deaton was right it was incredibly painful, it was excruciating, it felt like every nerve being hit with pain. The good news was that the cravings were gone he wasn't hungry at all. Part of him told himself to keep taking the drugs, but Stiles also doubted he could go through another 10 hours like this (which was how long the dose would work). He couldn't drive because of the pain would likely make him lose concentration. Deaton had offered to drive him to his next location and Stiles told him that he wanted to see Derek first, since Scott was in school and his Dad was at work. He was glad that Derek didn't have a job. He was extra sensitive too, he felt every jolt of Deaton's car.

"Why does it hurt so much?" normal appetite suppression things wouldn't do it like this would it?

"Your bodys metabolism has speed up if you tried normal appetite suppression pills you would have to take one about every 30 seconds to two minutes and even then they would only be moderately effective. It's not your average suppression pill, it's part herbs but most of it is magic and magic usually hurts."

"Not a well known fact." Stiles muttered under his breath, then winced as they hit another slight bump.

"Seriously are you trying to hit them all." Stiles groused. Deatons eyes momentarily left the road and looked at Stiles.

"Sorry." Stiles felt very relieved as Derek's place showed up in the distance. Stiles looked at Deaton for a long moment then asked nervously.

"Should I tell him?"

"That's up to you." Deaton said without looking away from the road. Stiles rolled his eyes at the unhelpfulness of that comment. Deaton parked his car not long after. Stiles stared out the window and then looked back at Deaton.

"Can I get a second dose, just in case?" Stiles asked. Deaton nodded and took two pills identical to the ones Stiles had downed back at Deaton's house and put them in the palm of Stiles's hand.

"Just be aware if you do takes those, your body gets adjusted easier to medication and it won't work for as long and it will hurt more." just another great thing about his mutation. Was it mutation? Was he a mutant and instead of cool powers all he got was a hunger for flesh? He preferred Rogue's ability and he always thought her ability blowed, not being able to kiss anyone when kissing was so nice. Stiles jumped, then he realized that Deaton had just tapped his shoulder since he had gone off into his own little world. A quick glance out the window confirmed that they were there. Stiles glanced back to Deaton, it would be the last time he would ever see him. They had never been particularly close but there were a few things he had to say to him.

"Thank you... for helping me figure this out." Stiles said earnestly, Deaton nodded.

"I only wished it had been better news." Stiles smiled bitter-sweetly.

"Me too. You've got to promise me something." Deaton nodded.

"Take care of Scott, I know that you've been like a father to him and you are a great role model, I know that Scott might take this hard." might as in Scott would probably do terrible, if Scott even thought of doing what he was going to do Stiles would have killed him.

"I will." Deaton promised him. Stiles nodded

"Take care of Derek. I know he's not really the greatest Alpha and that losing me will probably not help that, but he really is a good guy." Deaton nodded.

"And take care of yourself too and stop trying to be so mysterious, share more information." Deaton smiled slightly.

"I'll try." Stiles nodded his thanks and headed out the door.

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	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: I don't own Teen wolf.

Stiles let himself into Derek's place with his key and saw Derek's back facing him and boy was Derek wearing a nice back nice black shirt so close to his tight abs...he definitely liked. However, as soon as Stiles opened the door Derek turned around. Derek looked at him confused.

"Aren't you sick?" he asked confused and full of concern. Stiles smiled at him, his very own sour wolf who was rough on the outside but he cared. Tears started coming in his eyes but he turned his head slightly and blinked them back. He wasn't going to cry, he was going to spend some time with Derek, and they were going to enjoy themselves. He turned back a moment later a grin on his face.

"Yeah but guess who has a superior immune system?" Stiles asked with a grin and Derek smiled back at him. "Besides I'm not feeling as sick anymore." He crossed the distance between the two of them quickly and kissed Derek softly until air was needed. Stiles rested his forehead against Derek and just stared into his eyes. Stiles grinned despite the pain his body was in, yeah unfortunately because of the pain sex was definitely off the table. He would have liked to have one last time, but he would have to settle for being close to Derek without being that close to him.

"So much better then going to school or staying home alone." he muttered under his breath but he knew that Derek heard him regardless.

"You shouldn't skip school." Derek said softly and Stiles kissed him again lightly.

"Thanks for caring but I'm pretty sure after all the crap we've been through in the last year I deserve _one_ day off."

"But." Stiles kissed him again to cut off any other arguments that Derek might have. It was rare when Stiles was the one trying to do the shutting up rather than being told to shut up. Especially since Derek was a man a few words. When they broke apart Stiles also pulled back enough so that their faces were inches apart.

"Just give me one day sour wolf." Stiles said softly, Derek stared at him for a long moment before nodding.

"Okay one day." Derek agreed reluctantly, he brought his hand slowly up to Stiles face and stroked the side of his face lightly.

"How are you feeling?" he asked softly concerned.

"Much better now." Stiles said with a small grin despite the fact that his body was throbbing in pain. Here in Derek presence with him so close to him basking in his warmth for a short time he was able to forget why he had come there in the first place and what he had to do later. Stiles dove in for another kiss to beat back any remaining reminders.

~.~

They were curled up next to each other on Derek's couch and Stiles looked at the wall at Derek's clock. It was time to go. He didn't want to go, he was comfortable here... well he felt warm and loved. That at the moment was more powerful then the intense pain he felt. Stiles reluctantly untangled his hand from Derek's and managed to sit up. Derek's eyes followed his progress asking the question with only his eyes in the way that Derek did so well. _Where are you going?_

"I have to get home." he said reluctantly, Derek nodded.

"Do you need me to drive you?" he asked and Stiles started shaking his head before he realized that he had left his car at Deaton's because of the pain and he nodded.

"Are you sure you're feeling better?" Derek asked concerned and before he knew it Derek was next to him putting the back of his hand on Stile's forehead. Stiles didn't feel warm so he doubted he had a fever, it was just the pain, the overwhelming pain that was worse when they weren't close.

"You don't seem to have a fever." Derek's brows furrowed with concern. Stiles smiled at the image and then the smile quickly faded. He wasn't sure what would happen to Derek after his death, but he did know that he wasn't going to able to see Derek or be with him for a long time, maybe forever. Stiles fought the urge to burrow into Derek's arms and never leave. The medication would wear off and he would become a threat to Derek, and the last thing in the world he wanted to be was a threat to Derek or anyone else.

He couldn't just stay here either, he had to talk to the three people who meant the most in the world to him... even if it was going to be difficult, so very difficult. Stiles closed his eyes for a moment gathering up his strength before opening them back up again; he cleared away the sob in his throat that desperately wanted to escape. He wanted to tell Derek, he wanted to relieve some of the pressure of keeping it hidden, but he also knew that if Derek knew he would try to stop him. Unfortunately Stiles could only be stopped one way and it was this way even though he wished that it wasn't.

"Aren't you going to take me home?" was all Stiles said, even though there was so much more that he wanted to say. Derek nodded, went to the kitchen counter, picked up his keys and put on his jacket was had been laying across it since he had gotten there.

Stiles followed him out to the his Camaro. It was such a nice car he was going to miss it, particularly the back seat -no he couldn't think of that right now. Stiles slid into the passengers seat as soon as Derek unlocked his door and Stiles stared at the road even though he felt Derek's eyes on him. Derek after a few moments of this decided to start the car and pull out into the road. Stiles kept his eyes mostly on the road, but he could also see Derek sneaking glances at him; however Stiles mostly ignored it. He was going to have to say goodbye but in a way that wouldn't' send red flags up, he wasn't exactly sure how to do that. He didn't exactly have a long time to think about it either. They only lived about ten minutes apart which most of the time Stiles had been glad for; now he wished that they lived much further away so he would have more time to think about what he was going to say.

In what seemed like no time at all they were in front of his house his Dad was at work and would be until later so they didn't need to worry about him seeing. Stiles worked his hardest to keep his face calm and under control as he looked at Derek.

"You know that I love you right?" Stiles asked forcing himself to grin when all he really wanted to do at the moment was fall into Derek's arms and cry.

"I love you too." Derek said and for a moment the pain was beaten back again by the warm glow in the air that Stiles felt. Derek wasn't much of a romantic so it was always nice to hear, especially the full phrase and not just the me too that Derek liked to use. Stiles closed the distance between the two of them again and kissed Derek until he started to feel lightheaded. This was the last time he was going to get to do this and he wanted to make it count. Stiles broke apart gasping for air and grinned at Derek trying to show him that nothing was wrong, that everything was okay. He opened his car door, stepped out, closed it and leaned over so he could still see Derek through the window.

"Thanks for driving me." he said but he meant so much more. He would have to write everything Derek meant to him into a letter so that Derek would know exactly how much he meant to him and why he would be doing what he had to do. Even then he wondered if Derek would ever let anyone in again. His first girlfriend he had tried to turn and had had to kill her. His next one(that he knew of) had burned his family alive, he doubted his death would help in that respect.

He wished that he didn't have to do what was necessary and part of him wanted to be selfish wanted to get back into the Camaro with Derek...but he couldn't. Stiles waved and Derek pulled away from his house. As soon as Derek was out of sight he let his facade fall and tears started spilling rapidly down his checks. One down...two more to go. How in the world was he going to have the strength to do all of this? Especially when the physical amount of pain and the emotional amount of pain were for the moment nearly equal.

A/N: Romance is not generally my strong suit; please let me know how well I did and review :)


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